May 4, 2004

Alternate History comes to Crooked Timber

I found this in the comments at Crooked Timber, by one "Jack Lecou", along with someone pointing out how the 17th article of the Iraqi transitional constitution compares to the American second amendment:

So what if say, the French, were to invade the US to “liberate” us from our despotic oppressor?

In our hypothetical scenario, the French troops quickly defeat the demoralized and ill equipped forces set against them, but then seem ill prepared for the aftermath. They successfully guard a few coal mines and movie studios, but make no move against the looters pilfering our museums and government offices. They install a puppet regime, which they populate with various partisan French officials and American expatriates - including one wanted for bank fraud in Canada. They sack all those who held positions in the the army, the police, all levels of civil administration and education. As is their wont, French firms move in and begin profiteering madly.

Not surprisingly (except maybe to the hawks back in Paris), a resistance movement springs up almost immediately. Initially made up of mostly rednecks and Republican loyalists, Francophobes and malcontents from all over the world soon arrive to aid in the struggle. This violence is opposed by the majority of the public, but there is little they can do (the insurgents are well armed, murderous, and secretive). Lacking a proper police force (they dissolved it, and haven’t managed to build a new one yet, nor did they bring one), the French military forces respond the only way they know how. Seemingly randomly, French patrols force their way into homes in the middle of the night to perform searches and haul adult males away for interrogation. Sometimes these arrests are based on intelligence, but usually that just means someone made up a name for a reward (or a respite from torture). Then too, sometimes the soldiers aren’t really sure if they’re at the right address anyway. The violence escalates, increasingly the French retreat into armored vehicles and behind checkpoints. A televangelist preacher takes the opportunity to gather an army of thugs and start trying to involve himself in the “democratic process”.

Its been more than a year since the invasion. The French have recently begun paying lip service to some form of new “international involvement” in the mess, but mostly that is because they can’t really afford it on their own anymore. In any case, the same old mix of corruption and incompetence still reigns behind the barricades of the puppet regime’s stronghold. Also, your toilet still doesn’t work, and half the time neither does the electricity or the telephone.

One day you see pictures of American prisoners being tortured, raped and humiliated by their smiling French captors. Chances are you know someone who’s been hauled away. How do you feel?

I'd buy an AltH novel written to such a spec.

Posted 2004/05/04 11:33 (Tue) | TrackBack

I want to interrogate William Safire and George Will. I suppose I should start brushing up on my French so that they'll hire me.

Posted by: Zizka at May 5, 2004 7:01

I for one welcome our new insect overlords.

Posted by: Richard Hershberger at May 5, 2004 19:09

wasn't that one called "algeria." or was it

Posted by: che at May 11, 2004 19:06
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