… before Mr Bond gets it in the knackers is that Bond villains are fastidious. They can’t stand the sight of blood.

Jack Straw, UK Justice Secretary, signing Ronnie Biggs’s leaving card yesterday:

His condition is not expected to improve. It is for that reason that I am granting Mr Biggs compassionate release on medical grounds.

Either he’s unaware of the irony of this statement, in which case he’s too stupid to be in a position to be saying such things, or else he is aware of it but chooses to let the irony remain. And that suggests a lack of self-control. Seriously, I don’t like having sadists in government.